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  Goes Back, b'y    Ask Buddy - Bad Advice (that Buddy has NEVER given)


Any time that anyone has a problem, there is always someone else waiting in the wings to offer them advice. What is advice, you ask? Advice is when people who have nothing to do with whatever is happening try to tell you how to cope with it. Some advice is useful, and some is pointless. But the worst kind to recive is bad advice. Good advice and useless advice will either help, or at least not harm you, so there is no need to worry about them. But bad advice can cause some real complications. So, here for your perusal is a quick look at Bad Advice, and how to avoid it.

What is Bad Advice?

Bad advice is any advice that if followed will have disastrous or possibly lethal consequences, such as...

The destruction of your home, car, or relationship. Food poisining. Prison. Intense and lingering pain. Irate neighbors. And the old favorite, angry mobs with pitchforks and flaming torches.

Clearly, bad advice is not something you really need in your life.

But how to tell if you are being given Bad Advice?

Here are some tips on how to identify bad advice:

  • One obvious way to tell bad advice is ask yourself, "Self, does this advice make sense?" If there seems to be no logical connection between the advice offered and the situation being advised upon, you are likely a victim of bad advice.
  • Another sign that you are being offered bad advice is when the person offering it can't stop grinning. It's almost a sure bet that they are having you on. Following advice meant as a cruel joke is bound to get you into trouble.
  • Anyone who has more problems than you do is probably not a sound source of advice.
  • Anyone who is drunker than you are is probably also not a sound source of advice.
  • Following advice offered by someone on a subject far outside their area of expertise is generally not a good idea. A rocket scientist is not the best person to ask for help if what you need is a plumber.
  • If you think that by following someones' advice you may be committing a crime, then it is likely a bad idea to do so.

If you think you need more help identifying bad advice, examine these fine examples of Bad Advice:

  • You can't tell just by the smell, you have to taste it to be sure it's bad
  • Don't worry about that warning label, they only put it there because the government makes them.
  • It will make you smarter
  • Why not have a couple of drinks and then try again.
  • Oh, Revenue Canada will never bother to audit you, don't worry about it
  • Of course the car can drive over that gaping hole in the pavement
  • Go ahead, he's big and drunk, and he'll never be able to catch up to you
  • Those security cameras have never worked
  • Don't worry, it's not contagious.
  • Oh, he's just a big mooshy sweetheart, he won't bite.
  • Hey! let's go invade Russia in the winter. They'll never see us coming.
  • Let's send a bunch of incompetent idiots to steal documents from the presidents office.

If you find yourself facing grave concequences due to bad advice, perhaps you will find some of the following suggestions useful.

  • Run away.
  • Call your lawyer/pastor/the police/or doctor.
  • Ask someone else for help
  • Leave the country.
  • Plead insanity.
  • Seek vengance.
  • Curl up into a fetal position and suck your thumb until your problem goes away.
  • Get very, very drunk.
  • Insist that it is all a big joke.


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